5, 6 Grab your crucifix.

Now for the final part in the rundown of the Nightmare On Elm Street series. Yes, I know yesterday ended with "The Final Nightmare", but they decided they could get a few more out of it. So we got a meta fiction type thing, a crossover and a reboot. At least I'm not doing Friday the 13th. There's been 12 of those, including two "Finals". Those were 4 and 9, in case you were wondering.

Let's start with 1994's Wes Craven's New Nightmare. Yep, Wes stuck his name in the title. This is the meta fiction, where it set in the "real world" where Wes is making a new Freddy film and real life starts mimicking the events of the script. Apparently there's some great and ancient evil that can only be stopped by encasing it in stories, and this evil has taken the form of Freddy. Unless Wes can finish the script, the world is doomed. I think he may have a high opinion of himself. Anyway, this is another of the truly great ones, even if it falls a little short of its potential, and acknowledges number 6. On that note, I guess you could say that this is an apology for how crap that one was, and they didn't want to finish on such a sour note. Shame Clint couldn't do the same after The Dead Pool. That killed all the awesomeness of "Dirty" Harry Callahan. Another highlight is that it basically kicks you in the face for liking a sick son of a a bitch, by reminding you just what Freddy is.

Onward to 2003's Freddy vs. Jason. They're getting pretty far apart now. It seems the only way Freddy can keep on killing teenagers is to get Jason Voorhees to do it for him just enough to get people thinking Freddy is out there again. Needless to say, it works, and Jason quite likes having all these teens around, and takes away Freddy's fun, bringing about the fight the title promises. OK, we're back to jokey Freddy, but for some reason it's not so bad. Maybe it's because logic and adherence to canon aren't important in crossovers. Let's face it, a film that promises a clash of cultural "icons" needs almost nothing other than said battle. At least the battle is worth the admission, as opposed to some other clash films.

Now we move on to the 2010 remake/reboot/reimagining. Story wise, it's pretty much the same as the first one, with a few extra bits added in. The most noticeable is that it doesn't cover up Freddy's dark side. While the previous ones only hinted at what he did, this one didn't really pull it's punches. It does have a bit of a reliance on jump scares and doesn't quite have the usual dream-like quality, but is still just as good, maybe a little better than the original. Of course, the most important thing is; how does Jackie Earl Haley match up to Robert Englund? I'd have to say he fills the glove quite well.

Can someone please break my legs before I get the same idea for the Leprechaun series.

3, 4 Better Lock Your Door.

OK, yesterday I covered the first three films in the Nightmare On Elm Street series, now I shall the next three. This time around, there will be a bit of spoilers for both the 4th and 6th. For the 4th, it's just difficult to cover the plot without doing so, and in the case of number 6, well, you'll see.

A whole year after the third, we were given The Dream Master. Hey, wasn't the last one Dream Warriors? They're really sticking with this dream thing, then. Now as I stated just five sentences ago, here be spoilers. It seems the kids who survived the third film have been released from the looney bin and are back at school. Thing is, Kristen isn't completely convinced Freddy snuffed it for good. Turns out she's right. Freddy comes back and kills the three of them. Just before he takes out Kristen, she brings Alice into her dream. When she dies, she sends her soul, and power, to Alice, via Freddy, thus connecting Freddy and Alice. Thanks to this, Freddy's allowed to continue killing teenagers despite finishing his vengeful rampage. Alice also gains some powers by obtaining aspects of her friends personalities as they're taken out, eventually turning her into the titular Dream Master, Freddy's antithesis. I know I've just told you three quarters of the damn thing, but this is another of the ones that are well worth a look. Usually by number four, the writers and such stop caring and just give the most generic stuff. OK, they start going for basic characters, like the nerd, tough girl and jock, but everything else stays more or less on par, with it's predecessor.

Onward to The Dream Child. Alice is now up the duff and Freddy is using the unborn child's dreams to keep on going. Apparently, this is one of Robert Englund's least favourite. It's definitely one of the ones that suffers from great idea, poor execution. It really dabbles in a bit of psychology and other such science talk. Unfortunately, the writer(s) weren't quite as good at adding this into the actual film. It's definitely not the best, but it's just as far from being the worst.

I came into this world in 1991. I was that awesome, the world had to restore the equilibrium by unleashing Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare. To call it a crap sandwich would be an insult to fecal matter. In 1999, Freddy has killed all the children in Springwood, except for one. Freddy lets him leave so that he can find Freddy's daughter and bring her back to Springwood. Freddy then hitches a ride on his daughter so he can spread hi evil across the world. His daughter uses the magical power of 3D to enter Freddy's own mind and kill him once and for all. I know what you're thinking, it doesn't sound too bad. You know how they dabbled with jokey Freddy earlier? This time they went full blown comedy. Yes, the murderous pedophile gets turned into Bugs Bunny. Then for some reason, it regains the usual tone for the last 20-30 minutes. Even if you have some kind of OCD where you have to see an entire series once you start it, avoid this one completely. Cut off your own arm if you have too. And yes, Freddy is dead.

At least until the next sort-of sequel, which you can hear about tomorrow.

1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.

Depending on who you ask, the slasher genre started in either 1974 with Black Christmas or '78 with Halloween. Either way, it grew old fairly quickly as writer's ran out of holidays to make a movie out of. As proven by the decision to do Friday The 13th. By 1984, it was definitely wearing out it's welcome. Until Wes Craven decided to build on the formula with A Nightmare On Elm Street. It managed to fix things so much, that the genre made a brief return to popularity, and would explain why Michael and Jason also got a bit of the supernatural. Of course, it also created Chucky and Leprechaun. So maybe it made things worse. Anyway, I got considerably bored and went and watched all eight of the damned things. So I guess what, I'm doing a rundown.

OK, the first one was pretty good. Even if you haven't seen it, you know what this one's about, so I'll ignore plot and move right on. It kept the characters to a minimum, and more importantly, they were a bit more fleshed out then your average slasher teen. This one does still have a few problems. Some aspects of the idea aren't as well developed as they could have been, which is a recurring problem with most of the movies. Also, the $1.8 million budget for an effects heavy movie kind of shows, not that that's a huge problem. After all, I like classic Doctor Who. But the biggest thing that gets me is the ending. If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. Of all the ways to beat Freddy, that was pretty weak. Unfortunately, it became a bit of a recurring theme throughout, being somewhat repeated in the immediate sequel, and the basis for the 7th(?) and 8th.

A whole year later, we got Freddy's Revenge (I can't be bothered doing the proper title, you're just getting subtitles). This time around, Freddy wants a more corporeal form to roam free once more. To do so, he needs to possess the latest teen to move into Elm Street. This is one of those sequels that seems only vaguely connected to the others, which would explain why it's not particularly well liked. However, if you look at it as a separate film, it's also pretty good. It's also known recently for it's undertones. The writer kind of took his own experiences of coming to terms with his sexuality into the script. In other words, Freddy was an allegory for doubting one's own homosexuality. Overall it's a bit of an improvement on the first one, especially in the effects, so it really got to set the standard for the rest.

When along came, The Dream Warriors. Wes Craven didn't really want this to be a series, so he returned to hopefully end it. At least they didn't put Final in the title. Apparently, it's six years since the first film and Nancy's now a bit of a psychiatrist who's moved to an institution that seems to be having problems with dangerous dreams. So she teaches them that it's freaking dreams, you can do all sorts of stuff, so the last Elm Street kids find a new way to turn the tables on Freddy. Also, they dabble into the origins of Freddy, it's quite dark, even for something like this. If you only ever see one Freddy flick, this would be the best bet. It's actually quite well written, even if it marks the beginning of jokey Freddy, mostly in the form of Arnie type puns. I'm just wondering why it took them three movies to decide people do amazing stuff in their dreams.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I do the next three in the series. Hell, I'll have time to watch the remake so I can do three on Friday as well. Until then.

Where are my pants?

There's a possibility that you've been informed of the change in Superman's uniform. He's about to lose the bright red underpants. This has become clear thanks to set photos of the upcoming film, The Man Of Steel. Despite the fact that these undies have been a source of ridicule for at least the last 40 years, people, and the internet, have exploded at this change. Somehow, no one seems to care about Batman having lost his some time ago.
I can sort of see why they're complaining, as they do break up the wall of blue. Plus, it takes your eyes away from his Supermanhood. However, the new suit looks, oh, what's the word, alien. You know, just like Superman is.
Mind you, most of the hatred seems to be aimed at the guy making the movie: Zack Snyder. The internet really doesn't like this guy. He's only made five movies so far in eight years. Among them there have been a remake of a zombie movie, two graphic novel adaptations, a children's book series adaptation, and most recently, a piece of original work. While, I only vaguely remember the Dawn Of The Dead remake, it was most assuredly a brilliant debut. The lapse in memory is partly to do with the other zombie movie released at roughly the same time (Shaun Of The Dead). He disappeared for two years before giving the world 300. This one was a wee bit silly, but mostly due to the source material. Frank Miller can be pretty good (Sin City), but 300 isn't one of the best ones to make a film out of. Maybe Snyder should've gone for a more historically accurate telling. He disappeared for three years before returning with Watchmen. Again, it was a pretty good flick, especially compared with all the other directors who decided it was an unfilmable graphic novel. Anyone who can succeed where Terry Gilliam failed definitely deserves respect. (I wonder if he'll give Don Quixote a shot then.)
Just last year, he gave animation a try with Legend Of The Guardians: The Owls Of Ga'Hoole. Despite being an Australian film (let's face it, most of them are crap) and coming across as a little bit "magical journey", the only real problem was the insanely large title. This year, he went for his first original piece, Sucker Punch. And you know how much I love that movie.
There are many claims that he goes for style over substance. This is somewhat true, what with the slow-mo and fantastic scenery and the like. But, the key word is "over", it's not that one is represented and the other left out, but that the style is merely layered over the substance. You need to look through the bells and whistles. Or would you rather he just beat you to death with the messages.

A compliment to the chef.

On numerous times, I've attempted movie reviews. As a fat guy, I definitely know a thing or two about some good eatings. So, let's have a change of pace. I've been a bit of a fan of spicy food. Even looking forward to all the times the major chains have a limited time only super special burger. And each time I get considerably disappointed. Then, one day, I discovered a new shop in the food court, Burp: Mexican Made Fresh. Mexican food, it has to be spicy. It would be against the law otherwise. Eventually, I twisted Mum's (a.k.a. Money Lady) arm to go along so I could try it out. Holy Burt Ward, it was amazing. I've since been a regular customer for many moons. And am only now telling you about this wondrous place. I know, I'm selfish.

Now, they describe themselves as "Subway but with Mexican food", or variations of that phrase. It's more or less accurate, but doesn't do it justice. You can get your meal in a variety of ways, be it taco, burrito, enchilada, quesadilla, or nachos. Once you've made that choice, you get to work out what to put on it. All of it is absolutely brilliant, but personally, I go either a chook or meat lovers quesadilla with the lot. If you're not overly fond of spicy stuff, there are more tummy friendly options.

Then, there's the service. They seem to genuinely give a damn about the place. I've even managed to befriend one of the higher-ups. (Don't question my integrity.) In fact, remember when I was all excited about scamming the Man by seeing a movie for a mere $6? When it comes to Burp's loyalty card, I feel kind of bad about getting a free meal. That's right, this stuff is so good, it can make a student feel guilty about free stuff.

Finally, the most important detail. Where is this dispensary of ambrosia? You can find a Burp in either the Elizabeth City Centre or Hollywood Plaza food courts, or there's another one on Hindley Street.

They say a burp is a compliment to the chef. Burp has chosen a truly appropriate name.

Who's the Mon.

No, you shouldn't be reading the title in a Jamaican accent. I am instead referring to the great monster debate. Should they be pocketed or digitalized? For the less nerdy, which is better; Pokemon or Digimon? I'll the argument of who's ripping off who. Especially when one was a card game and the other, a virtual pet. Mostly because I'm focused solely on the cartoons. (If you want me to use the correct term of anime, I might as well use the correct names of Poketto Monsuta and Dejitaru Monsuta). Even in this case, the cartoons are two completely different series. The only connection being kids with cute little creatures. The creators of Troll have a better argument against Harry Potter.

Now, back when they were on, Pokemon was just a little more popular simply because it came to attention first. Of course, they were both on Cheez TV, so channel loyalties were out of the question. In fact, I felt a little dirty, siding with those who killed the one and only, Agro. Back then, I didn't really hold a loyalty, I had a stronger one to Power Rangers and related shows. But recently, I had one of those nostalgia-based cases of boredom and decided to re-watch them. I gave up on Pokemon after about 15 episodes. Why? Because I'd also been killing time playing the old games on a GBA emulator, which the series seemed to just adapt as faithfully as possible. And the games were a lot better. The show had such a repetitive formula. Even for a kids show. Plus, there are a few unanswered questions, such as why is Ash even doing this if the pokemon are already well documented?

As for Digimon, I found that a lot easier to get through. Possibly because there was a continuous story line. And there was a greater variety of characters, who grew in episodes. And stayed grown the next episode. Also, maybe, I just liked it more because of a stronger sci-fi connection, what with the whole Tron deal of entering a digital world.

No one would have believed

One last bit of music, for now. This time around, I'm just going to fill you in on the greatest album ever made. The album in question is Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds. I'm mainly doing this because I can't fully connect with a generation that hasn't heard this musical masterpiece, even if I'm placed in that same one.
First things first. Just what is it? It's a 1978 progressive rock concept album that adapts the classic H G Wells novel. As a hopeful writer, I'd love to see my own work get the same alterations. It occasionally wobbles on the line between audio drama and musical piece. In fact, rather than have me explain, give the first track a go. I'll see you in 9 minutes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFfZFvvuXWc&feature=fvwrel

Pretty damn impressive right. Don't you just wish Spielberg did this instead of the one he did make? In fact, by Saturday, I expect you all to have obtained and listened to the whole album. I find the perfect way is to completely turn the world off. I go to my room, close the door, turn off the light, put my headphones on/in and lie down and visit this new world. In fact last week, I repeated this ritual with a set of in-ear phones. They greatly improved the listening experience. Each cry of "Ulla" sent shivers all through me. The way it should.

Enter the metal world of doom

OK, yesterday was a bit crap, but it was just a warm up for a few music related posts. So this time I'm having my first shot at an album review. And so I start with "Steel", the debut album of Finnish heavy metal band Battle Beast.

Apparently they've been fighting since 2008, but they've only just (March 2011) put something to disc. There's nothing particularly new, with them being part of the 80's metal revival. But, fortunately they have a few songs that differentiate that just enough. While they may refer to themselves as the ugliest band in the world, singer Nitte Valo's voice is just as powerful as any of the other instruments. In some cases, specifically ballad "Savage and Saint", she well and truly denounces that claim of ugliness. I'd even go so far as to compare her to the great Rob Halford.
Admittedly, quite a few songs are written in the "Rock 'N' Roll All Nite" method. A couple of verses and repeat the chorus. A lot. Maybe even fit in a solo or two. But it just makes the more diverse all the better.

After listening to it a few times, something clicked. I realised why it sounded so familiar. They shared a few inspirations and such as Lordi. It really sunk in on the title track "Steel". This one could almost be passed off as a Lordi song. Then this thought sunk in throughout the whole album. Now, Lordi's latest album (don't say last, that means no more) "Babes For Breakfast" was pretty crap, so I can think of "Steel" as being the album Lordi should have made.

If you're a fellow metal warrior, this is worth a listen. If you're not, maybe give it a miss.

The savage beast

Many times I've rattled on about my taste in movies and the like. I say it's time we move to the other great source of entertainment: music.  I'm even more varied in that field. But again, I tend to stick closely to a particular genre. A very diverse genre at that. It is rock/metal. I tend to put them in the same basket, I mean there's sub genres for when I'm feeling extra picky, but on the whole, they're fairly close.
Apparently, I've been a headbanger since day one. Mum and Dad were doing some renovations with the musical accompaniment of AC/DC (my keyboard doesn't have a lightning bolt), and I remained peaceful. Then they changed over to the Beatles, to which I disapproved greatly. And the rain went torrential. (I know that doesn't make much sense, but I wanted to avoid some cliche about fire still burning, especially while talking about rock.)

I started like most, just raiding Dad's collection. So I grew up on Kiss, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Adam Ant and Ozzy Osbourne, to name a few. Then as I got older, I started doing some discovering of my own. I found the rest of the world. It began when Lordi won Eurovision in 2006. They were followers of Kiss, so I checked them out and became a fan. Then I went on a quest to find more European stuff. Which led to Nightwish, which went on for even more fantasy symphonic/progressive metal.
In fact, that genre is great, because I don't just go for random songs. A lot of the time, I want to listen to a whole album. If there's time, I'll go for a whole discography. So when you get stuff that seems to have some kind of story to it, it's nice to sit back and turn off the world as the story unfolds.

In brightest day, in blackest night.

Despite the frothing hatred of other critics, I decided to check out Green Lantern yesterday. I should probably start by mentioning that I'm a sci-fi nut and a fan of the comics. So, critics be damned, I was paying to see this one. It was worth it. It seems most of the critics found the simplest description of the plot to be ridiculous. Pilot gets a magic ring with the power of green to fight the evil of yellow. Any plot sounds stupid when simplified to that level. For instance; orphaned teen trains to be swashbuckling monk with psychic powers and teams up with a homeless drifter to destroy a super space laser. Yeah, I went there.

Back to Green Lantern, it isn't like other heroes. It was the first series to work on a mythos and continuity. In a Superman comic, Lois gets kidnapped, Jimmy says "Gee willikers", Lex gets punched in the face. Then they'd do it all over again in a month. Green Lantern changed that around so that there was character development. Then they went into the galactic stuff, and things got pretty expansive. That was the problem of making a Green Lantern movie. Just how much of the sixty years of history do you provide for a two hour movie? Unfortunately, the film makers went for a little too much info. Aside from that, it served as a pretty good adaptation. It's just not as good as the animated flick Green Lantern: First Flight.

On the note of adaptation, I don't understand why superhero movies get held up to others, rather than their source material. For example; the Fantastic Four movie. It was unlucky enough to come out about the same time as Batman Begins. So of course people called Fantastic Four a steaming pile because it wasn't Batman Begins. That's because Batman and the Fantastic Four are two different heroes. Both of them fit in perfectly with the mythos of their respective franchises.

What you doing?

The last time I gave you all some kind of insight into my life story, I brought you all to tears about my dead cat. I'd say it's about time we did it again. Don't worry, it'll be happy this time, I'll even put on happy music while I type (when I'm done with the Suspiria theme). OK, gone for Bond. That's the classical crossover string quartet, not a spoken word album by Timothy Dalton, yeah, you heard right, Timothy Dalton.

Now then, I mentioned I'd have six weeks of FREEDOM! after my first semester of Uni, so I'd probably post more regularly. I kind of didn't. Surely, I was off doing great and exciting things as only that could keep me from loyal, possibly imagined, followers. Well, um, er, uh, I kind of didn't really do anything. Except get horribly addicted to the book of faces. I also got the bloody cold for two freaking weeks. The worst part, Mum called dibs on the telly for most of that fortnight. Today Show, Mornings with Kerri-Ann, The Circle, Dr. Phil, Oprah and Ready Steady Cook. Monday to Friday. It's a miracle I didn't make it onto the 6 o'clock news.

I'm now back at the house of learning and am just a little bit annoyed. Went and made all those awesome friends in the first semester, and now have to start all over again. Pantsing Agadoo! But, they cannot defeat me, for I am the Zex-Kwivian Warrior of Wonder and I will not be silenced! In other words, I have been meeting other new friends. Even found someone looking at the same field of journalism as myself. Woo Hoo, got some competition. It's only three weeks in and the semester's looking to be good one, even if there is a two hour lecture in there. I know it seems to go by relatively quickly, but still, two hours.

This last week in particular was a bit of a mess. On Tuesday morning, I had to give an oral presentation based on a pain-in-the-arse reading. So I got up at 5 so I could have extra time to make it look like I knew what I was talking about. It could have gone better, but I don't think the teacher noticed. For some strange reason, I chose this same wake-up time on Wednesday. As a result, I was getting pretty knackered and got tired at 10. Then Thursday was looking pretty good, slept in til 7 and had a pretty good morning. Then I started to drop at 4. In the end, I went to bed at 9:30. That hasn't been my bedtime since I was 15. Here's hoping things improve in later times.

Unless I find something shiny, or my competitor finds a way to get rid of me, I shall return, eventually.

The Whingers Rise

You may be aware of a little flick out next year by the name of The Dark Knight Rises. You may have also seen some of the slowly leaked promotional material such as a sub par teaser which was most likely put together just so they could have something to show off now. Then there's the official pictures of the villains. This is where the fans start going nuts. Bane's mask doesn't look right, Catwoman doesn't have cat ears, the suit isn't black enough, etc. Then you have the people who reckon it'll be incredibly bad, simply because all other third movies in superhero series haven't been that great. Plus, there are those who simply want to have sex with Christopher Nolan by reminding us that he hasn't made a bad movie. Now, I can't really comment on that as I've only seen his previous two Batman movies. However, I can disagree as I didn't like The Dark Knight. This dislike comes from the same thing that makes everyone else love it; by holding it up to it's predecessor. Batman Begins was brilliant. It took the caped crusader back to a place he hadn't been (film/TV wise) since Batman: The Animated Series, an intellectual, rather than just punching the evil out of people. He was the World's Greatest Detective once more, and given a villain that challenged that intellect in the form of both Scarecrow and Ra's al Ghul. Then, once the inevitable sequel revealed itself, they threw that out the window. OK, the "Joker" claimed he had planned for all that stuff to happen but there was so much left to chance. Why have I put "Joker" in quotation marks? Because, in my eyes, that wasn't the Joker.
To tell you the truth, the minimal, slow marketing actually gives me hope. The Dark Knight had a huge viral campaign that went on for months. So why aren't they doing it this time? Maybe The Dark Knight was simply a lead up to this one. The breaking of the signal was just Marty being handed the hundred year old letter.

Jennifer's Body

OK, here goes my first attempt at a proper movie review. So, of course I've chosen something that's two years old. Jennifer's Body begins with best friends forever ,possibly more, "Needy" and Jennifer (Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox, respectively). The two go to the local pub to see a Low Shoulder concert. During the concert, the pub burns down and Low Shoulder act as heroes, even offering to drive Needy and Jennifer to safety. Needy declines but Jennifer goes along. This is just what they were hoping for. They want to sacrifice a virgin soul to the devil, as it's the only for an indie rock band to "make it". Things don't quite to plan and Jennifer is possessed by a demon instead, eating boys as sustenance, particularly those Needy likes.
At first, I thought it was ridiculous, and didn't even give it the time of day. Mostly because of the line "She's evil... and not just high school evil". If a movie uses that as a tag line I want to see either "A Disney Channel Original Movie" or "Produced by Lloyd Kaufman". Better yet, "A Disney Channel Original Movie produced by Lloyd Kaufman". I decided I'd give it a look because, well, Amanda Seyfried. That and I liked both Juno and what I saw of United States of Tara, so I thought I'd see how Diablo Cody goes with horror. She manages to do a pretty good job of it.  I was particularly fond of the way it turns the tables on on a few tropes, in particular the reversal of gender roles. All in all, it ain't a bad little horror flick, which is nice considering how many are bad.The news that Cody will also be doing some writing for the Evil Dead remake/sequel/jam sandwich is pretty sweet, because after Drag Me To Hell, I don't think Raimi can do it on his own.. 

Send a message out across the sky.

Previously on the Order of ZXQYV...

I mentioned something about Star Wars cash-ins. There were actually some good ones, on the telly. These included Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers In The 25th Century, V, and Star Fleet. It's that last one I've logged in for. No, it isn't a Star Trek rip off, it's an "anime". I put that in quotation marks because it's done with puppets, so I'm not sure if it counts. Anyway, Star Fleet. At the end of the third millennium, peace rests over most of space after the Space Wars. Until Commander Makara attacks Earth's Pluto and demands Earth hand over the mysterious F-01. Earth says "Bugger that for a joke" and sends out the X-Bomber, their most powerful ship to chase Makara through the depths of space. As an added bonus, and because it's a Japanese show, X-Bomber also house three smaller scouting ships that can combine into a giant robot, known as Dai X. So basically, imagine if the Millennium Falcon was also a transformer that could punch a hole into the Death Star instead. If you can find this in your travels, I do recommend you get it. Like most shows with a single major arc, it does drag on a little bit, but otherwise, all 24 episodes are well worth your time.

I first came across it through Brian May and Friends's cover of the theme, which you can hear, with some footage of the series here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7GFU5ncKhU

I'll do anything to get out of life, to survive, not ever to be next.

Unless you're living in a bunker beneath the Earth's surface, in which case I congratulate you on your internet service, you're probably aware that the Last Ever Harry Potter Movie has recently been released. Considering the series has made a ridiculously large pile of money that would freak out Smaug, producers are mining children's bookshelves to find the Next Big Thing. Since the release of the first film, way back in 2001, they have tried multiple times. The Spiderwick Chronicles, The Chronicles Of Narnia, The Golden Compass, Inkheart and Percy Jackson. Their may be others, they are just the ones I can remember. Only one has done well enough to continue the series. You'd think they would have learnt by now.
To get a better idea, Roger Corman hasn't attempted a cash-in of his own. He is considered the king of the cash-in, having done Star Crash for Star Wars, Piranha (the original) for Jaws and Carnosaur for Jurassic Park, which he even brought out a week before Jurassic Park. In fact, most attempts to be The Next anything, don't tend to do terribly well. Go to the horror section of a bookstore, and see how many authors are hailed as the Next Stephen King. So far, I have only come across one worthy of such a title.
The main reason I'm going at this, is the top contender seems to be Artemis Fowl. In fact, I first came across this when I heard a film was in development, back in 2003. Personally, I prefer it over Harry Potter, and would love to see an adaptation, provided it's given proper attention, and not just rushed ahead to give everyone their fix of "boy discovering magical world".

Defending my laziness

You've probably noticed that the movie reviews on here are pretty half arsed, that essentially boil down to "Dude, this movie is freaking sweet. You have to see it". There is reason for that. I'm reviewing movies I saw at the cinema (don't forget to emphasize the "ma"). Growing up, I didn't get to go to the cinema that much, so it got to be something special. I still view seeing a film at the cinema as something special. I'm known to occasionally jump on the bandwagon and hate The Phantom Menace, but I got to see that with my Dad and brother. To this day, I still remember that my brother needed the toilet during the big battle bits in the end, so he and Dad missed bits of that. To put things into perspective, I saw that 12 years ago, I can't remember what I had for lunch 2 days ago. I don't just go down there on a whim. I'll think long and hard whether or not I want to see a movie up on the really big screen. No matter how many bad reviews I see, I'm still looking forward to seeing Green Lantern when it comes to Australia in another 4 weeks. Maybe I can lose this special feeling, given time. But, do I really want to?

Countdown to nothing

About a week or so ago, there was a countdown for a special announcement from J K Rowling. With all the time given, there was much speculation as to just how this countdown would end. Would she finally release the encyclopedia that was announced a few years ago? Was it one of the two non-Potter books that have been "nearing completion" since 2008. Could she be bringing out an eighth Harry Potter book, that would come out the exact same moment as the midnight premiere screenings of the eighth film? Personally, I'd love to pull such a tactic. Watch them all squirm as they battle to decide which event to camp out for. Maybe she'd decided another character was gay. Any of these would have been more worthwhile than what we did get. Soon, there shall be a website where fans can share new ways to enjoy the books and the like. In other words, it's a fancy forum. But, wait there's more, there's always more. She'll be adding some extra bits herself, such as notes on the wizarding world. Hang on, wasn't the encyclopedia going to made up of notes of this nature? So, Pottermore will basically serve as a trailer for the encyclopedia. Congratulations J K Rowling, you just brought the whole world to a temporary freeze so they could watch a trailer for a trailer. That is the ultimate dick move, I salute you.

MRYOW!

Like a majority of the internet, I like cats. You probably guessed that by looking at my picture. Or the fact I created a facebook page dedicated to one of them. My own family have joked they wouldn't recognise me if I wasn't cuddling a cat in some way. Why am I telling you this? Last night, Jasmine figured she'd spent more than enough time among the living. Bob only knows how long that was. She had only been with us for about four years, after Grandma went on a country-wide tour and dumped her on us. At the end of the trip, Jasmine had built up a nice arse groove and decided she was staying. Of course, she had to fight Gemini and Carmello for ownership of the house and its foodbringers. At least for me, it was a battle she had won. Jasmine may have smelt a bit more than kinda funky, and was a bit of a lump, but of all the smelly lumps, she was one of the best. Dad would often comment that Carmello was the only cat that seemed genuinely pleased to see you. If that's the case, Jasmine must've been ecstatic. All I'd have to do is call her name and sit on the porch steps. No matter how far she was from those stairs, she'd run straight there for a patting session. You had to go to Carmello.

Some kind of cliche featuring the word class.

Alrighty, yesterday I went and saw the fourth X-Men film. You, there in the back row who said "But Wolverine came out 2 years ago, why are only now talking about it?" Get the hell off my blog, it's taking a lot out of me to even acknowledge The Last Stand. Now back to X-Men First Class. Throughout all the marketing, I was looking a wee bit worried side of things. The posters took photoshopped mess to a whole new level, and the multiple trailers tended to use a lot of the same shots. It was looking beyond spoilery. Once again, I'm going to have to beat the crap out of film marketers. I bloody loved it. I may even go so far as to say it beats the second for sheer excellence. Hopefully, the inevitable sequel will give the other characters a bit more to do. Aside from that the only thing I didn't like about was that cameo. If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. If not, I won't spoil things, you can do that yourself. The second cameo was a lot better, as it was a nice little wink and nod. The first one just took me out of it and seemed unnecessary. Apparently it was Bryan Singer's idea. You know, the guy who buggered off to make Superman Returns, instead of finishing a trilogy he already started.

Oh Jemima, how I missed you.

You may have noticed that it's been over a month since I last posted on here. There's a perfectly legitimate reason behind that. I had been away on a secret mission for Gemini. I was off in another house training three new recruits, who moonlighted as my aunt's cats. I wasn't that keen on being away from home for so long. Especially considering it meant a considerable reduction of hugs. I mean be a 6 foot 20 year old ape man, but I still like hugging Mum & Dad good night. A month without any of that, and was going a little Bonkers, even a little Marsupilami. Fortunately, I had contact with reality thanks to uni and facebook to help out with the crazy. OK, the facebook didn't help in the traditional sense. It just gave a place to let out the crazy in short bursts. I haven't let it all out, and I never will. I think I've still got an extra large sack of it in my room.
So, now that I have returned to home, and am uninhibited by blasted assignments, I may well return to some kind of schedule. Or completely forget I ever did this. Whichever works out. Hell, I've now got 6 weeks in which people won't be telling me to do stuff. So maybe I can go back to my original schedule, at least for that short time.